To Absent Friends: Remembering Loved Ones on Your Wedding Day
My Uncle Gene always ended a toast (any toast) with the salutation “to absent friends.” Having lost my own Mum when I was 22, it always hit me hard when he would say it in his sweet Adel, Georgia accent. A bittersweet pang, a reminder of those who couldn’t be there to celebrate with us, but a beautiful sentiment nonetheless.
And that sentiment, that feeling of wanting to include loved ones who have passed away on your wedding day, is something many couples grapple with. Your wedding is a day of immense joy, but it’s natural to feel a touch of sadness for those special people who are no longer here to share it with you.
Through the years, we’ve seen many lovely ways couples have chosen to honor their absent loved ones. A remembrance which really touched me recently was something one of our groom’s did for his Mother. He included small packets of “Forget Me Not” seeds in the wedding favors. A simple gesture, but so meaningful. Guests could plant these seeds in their gardens at home, a little reminder of his mother blooming year after year. All the feels.
Here are a few more ideas to incorporate absent loved ones into your wedding day:
- Light a candle in their memory. Place it on a designated table with a framed photo or a small bouquet of their favorite flowers.
- Include a special mention in your ceremony program. A short poem, a favorite quote, or a simple “In loving memory of…”
- Play a song they loved during the reception. Or dedicate a dance to them. Either way, lovely.
- Wear a locket or charm with their picture. This keeps them close to your heart throughout the day.
- Reserve a seat in the front row. While symbolic, it acknowledges their presence and allows you a quiet moment to reflect on their absence during the ceremony.
“Forget Me Not” seeds for guests to plant in their gardens at home.
Leaving an empty seat during the ceremony. In this case the groom’s mother was an islander, so the beautiful leis were a way to honor her.
One of our brides chose to remember her mother with a framed photo where she would have sat for the ceremony.
Small photo charms on the bride’s bouquet.
This was a new one for us. A signature drink to celebrate a loved one who had passed.
Recently, one of our grooms wore his Mother’s brooch instead of a boutonniere. to keep her close to his heart on his wedding day. I cried editing this pic.
No matter how you choose to honor them, take a moment on your wedding day to acknowledge the special people who are no longer here. It will be a bittersweet moment, but a beautiful way to keep their memory alive as you embark on this new chapter of your life.
And to Uncle Gene, wherever you are, here’s to you and “absent friends.”
Me and my Uncle Gene in front of the Savoy Hotel (London) sometime in the early 90’s.
